Breastfed Baby Refusing a Bottle Before Nursery Starts

If your breastfed baby won’t take a bottle and nursery starts in a few weeks, stop trying to win the bottle battle yourself. Let someone else offer it, ideally her nursery keyworker during the settling-in sessions, while you’re out of the room. Have a cup ready as a genuine plan B. Babies who take little milk at nursery often make up for it at night and at weekends. Expect busier nights for a while, and don’t read them as something going wrong. Plan your own sleep around that, and keep night feeds safe.

Why a breastfed baby refuses a bottle

It isn’t something you did. The Breastfeeding Network’s page on introducing a bottle explains that a newborn’s strong sucking reflex fades after a few weeks. After that, a teat takes getting used to, “even if they have had bottles before”. It also warns that pushing it, “or hoping that hunger will coax them, can end up with your baby refusing the bottle”.

The same page has the sentence that will save you money: “It is very unlikely that you are missing the perfect teat or bottle.” So don’t spend the last weeks of maternity pay on every bottle on the shelf. One bottle with a slow teat and one cup will do.

No partner to hand the bottle to? Who can

A lot of bottle-refusal advice starts with “get your partner to do it”, which is no help on your own. The Breastfeeding Network’s version doesn’t assume a partner: “Either your partner/ mother offer the bottle when you are out the room, or you, perhaps with your baby facing the window or someone else.”

So your realistic options are:

• The nursery keyworker. She’ll be giving the milk, so she’s the best person to practise with, during settling-in sessions while you wait in the next room.
• A grandparent, friend or the childminder. One person, a few short tries, with you out of the room.
• You, with her facing outwards. Sit her facing the window or the room, not your chest, so the bottle isn’t competing with the breast she can smell.

La Leche League GB’s working and breastfeeding page adds a point worth raising when you choose a nursery: “Look for carers who are supportive of and knowledgeable about breastfeeding.” Ask outright how they feed breastfed babies who are new to bottles.

A plan for the settling-in weeks

The Breastfeeding Network suggests going “in small steps” and letting a baby who is three months or older play with an empty bottle first, “perhaps in the bath”, with no teat or milk, so it becomes familiar. Its other ideas, all from parents:

1. Keep the bottle horizontal so the milk flows only when she sucks, and she controls the pace.
2. Try a room-temperature teat, and add milk gently once she’s used to the feel of it.
3. Wrap the bottle in a piece of your clothing, or walk around the room cuddling her while she tries.
4. Let her watch other babies drink. At nursery that’s free and happens anyway.
5. If she gets upset, stop for a few days and go back to the bottle being a toy.

The NHS page on breastfeeding and returning to work recommends “a few trial runs of your new breastfeeding routine before you return to work”. Settling-in sessions are those trial runs. Ask the nursery to note what she took, so you’re working from facts, not guilt.

A cup is a real option, not a fallback

You don’t need the bottle to work. The Breastfeeding Network lists alternatives: “Cup feeding, either an open cup or a cup with a spout, without a valve, can work well”, or milk given on a spoon. La Leche League GB goes further: “An older baby may never need a bottle. Milk can be given in a cup or mixed with solid food.”

If she’s around six months, a cup was coming anyway. The NHS page on drinks and cups for babies says to introduce a cup “from around 6 months”. It says “an open cup or a free-flow cup without a valve” helps babies learn to sip, and feeding from a bottle “should be discouraged” once a baby is one. So a baby who skips the bottle for a cup is just ahead of schedule. Put that plan in writing for the nursery.

What it means for nights

If she doesn’t take much while you’re apart, she’ll make up for it with you. Betteroo’s guide to babies who shift their feeds into the night calls this reverse cycling and describes it as common after a breastfeeding parent goes back to work. It says it’s “usually a normal, temporary pattern”, and that night nursing can help protect your milk supply. It only needs fixing “if it is not working for your family”.

One mum’s account on the Breastfeeding Network site, Barbara’s story, describes it well. Her daughter started nursery at six months. “Night waking increased at the beginning of each new school term”, then settled to “just once most nights”, and evenings and weekends were “quite busy”.

So busy nights in week one are her catching up, not a sleep problem. When you’re the only adult in the house, the plan is to protect your own sleep:

• Go to bed earlier for the first fortnight. The dishes can wait. My post on baby sleep as a single mum covers making nights predictable when nobody can take a turn.
• Make the reunion feed a fixed part of the evening. Feed her at pick-up and again at bedtime. My single parent bedtime routine shows how to fit that around an older child.
• Don’t night-wean the same month nursery starts. Let the nursery routine settle first.
• Keep night feeds safe when you’re exhausted. The Lullaby Trust’s co-sleeping guidance says: “Never fall asleep on a sofa or armchair with your baby.” If you might doze off feeding in bed, it recommends preparing the bed to make it safer, with pillows and adult bedding kept away from her.

Your side of it at work

Per the NHS page, tell your employer in writing that you’re still breastfeeding. Your employer is “legally required to provide a place for you to rest if you’re breastfeeding”, though not a space to breastfeed. Ask for a private room: “You should not express in a toilet.” You “might need to express at least every 3 hours” when you first go back.

La Leche League GB has a tip that suits a single mum especially well: start back “on a Thursday or Friday”. You get a weekend to recover and fix what didn’t work.

The money bit

Skip the drawer of teats. If you’re in England, check the Free Childcare for Working Parents scheme. GOV.UK says it can give 30 hours a week for children aged 9 months to 4 years, and you can apply from when your child is 23 weeks old, so apply before you start back. My guide to benefits for single parents covers the other childcare help, including Universal Credit.

Get help early from the National Breastfeeding Helpline (0300 100 0212) or your health visitor if she seems unwell, has fewer wet nappies than usual, or you’re worried she isn’t getting enough.

Nursery days, busy nights? If going back to work has turned nights into a feeding marathon, Betteroo builds a gentle plan matched to your baby's age, for nights you can manage on your own. Take the 2-minute sleep quiz →

FAQ

Will my baby go hungry at nursery if she won’t take a bottle?

Many breastfed babies take less while apart and make up for it in the evening, overnight and at weekends. Ask the nursery to offer milk by cup or spoon and note what she takes. If she seems unwell or has fewer wet nappies, call your health visitor or GP.

Should I switch to formula so she’ll take the bottle?

The Breastfeeding Network describes refusal as a baby getting used to sucking on a teat, so changing what’s in the bottle may not help. If you want to combine breast and formula, talk it through with your health visitor or the National Breastfeeding Helpline first.

How long do the extra night feeds last?

There’s no fixed timescale. Betteroo’s reverse-cycling guide says the return-to-work kind often settles as babies adjust to the bottle and their carer. In the Breastfeeding Network account above, night waking rose at the start of each new term and then settled to about once a night. If it isn’t easing and you’re exhausted, ask your health visitor.